Finishd a book but other thoughts are flooding with emotion

How do you say good bye to a love one? I was married 10 years ago and on that day my mom pulled me into her arms and told me to love my mother in love as much I love my mom. From that day to the present I took it to heart and I call my mother in law mom.  Not saying she replaced my mom but she became my second mom who I have come to love for the wonderful example of love she has shown me.  I married her third child and lets be honest he did everything his parents have ever asked of him so he beloved.  It took us some time to get to know each other well and to be honest my husband announced out engagement after only after four month so it came as quite a shock to her. (Its normal in my family short engagements are the best the groom can’t run for the hills after he meet the six other sibling he will be sharing me with.)

I traveled with her, cooked with her, lived in the same house as her and I soon started to love my mother in law and would do anything for her.

End of June beginning of July 2013 life came to a stop and life stood still for several weeks. My mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  The woman hadn’t smoke a day in her life and works out every day and according to the doctor expect for the cancer she is extremely healthy.  I watched as my husband and his family struggled with the news and I decided I wouldn’t let it take me down.  No matter what anyone said, no matter the test results I could be the positive voice in the room.  Ever test result came back more and more negative giving my Mother In Law my mom 6 weeks to 6 months to live and after 10 years I saw my mother in law cry.  She lost her fourth child to brain cancer a the age of 17 and now she would lose her life to cancer at the age of 65.  She started with Chemo with nearly took her life as she slept 18 hours a day just trying to sit up took too much energy and I watched as my father in law never left her side.  I can see guilty scream across his face every day so when I do see my mother in law my mom I try hard to be the Pollyanna she has always called me. 50 years of marriage has been put to the test and nothing will separate them.

When she decided to shave her head I offered to do it even though I had never taken scissor to anyone’s head but my own at the tender age of six.  She decided to spare me from tears and went and had it cut.  I was impressed by her strength she as she told me the hair stylist love the shape of her head and I have to agree she looks great bald.  A little white but great.

Ever negative test month after month started to depress my mother and father in law but I remind them she was still with us. Christmas came and went New Years came and went and every thing seem to be looking up and she was talking about Next Christmas and what she wanted me to sing for her and I agreed.  Than the following week she was sick, lost her strength and desire to eat once more. I kept up a good front but even inside I was crying know this will be her last Christmas her on earth.  We joke about how her Son martin can wait a few more months to see her so she can make Hudson and Bennett her two newest grandchildren 1st birthdays in May and august. I miss her smile, I miss her laugh I miss seeing her chase, cuddle and love the my kids her grandchildren and I can see the pain across her face every day we visit her.


Yesterday My husband and my father in law gave my mother in my mom a blessing (LDS) as we stepped out of the house my heart started to beat fast and I found a peaceful sadness flood over my body.  I have cried many times over the news of my mom but yesterday it was different I was sad but with the sadness I felt peace in my heart which I shared with my husbands and four kids.

It almost my birthday and my mother in law my mom went in for more test and the result it came out not looking good.  They will try a few more chemo treatment but by than she need to hospice to come in and take care of her.

I might have had her for only ten years but she was my mom who strengthen me with her unconditional love, too care of her mother in law who she took care of until her dying day, her ability to love ever single holiday and the understanding of the Eternal Plan of God.

She is one of the greatest examples in my life and I will miss her as if she was my own mother because in all honesty she was my mom for the later ten years.  She helped me when my mom was out of the country to move into my first home at 6 month pregnant.  Her held my baby so I could sleep, she loved my daughters as if they were her own.  She gave me hugs when I thought I would fall apart from the little stresses of motherhood and gave me wonderful idea so when my 16year old decides to come home from a date way after curfew he will find me reading a book in his bed.

She is loved and she will be missed by all those who knew her. miracles happen every day and I feel I have been given one for the last 6 months and whatever else time we have together here on this earth we will do our bet to enjoy it.


My son told me today he has decided to become a doctor to find a cure for cancer because he is tired of people dying “Its so not cool mom and I will find the cure so no one else will dye as long as I am alive.” Gotta love 7 years old faith.


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